You may not even think of your partner as a highly sensitive introvert, because they are just your partner first. You may even be a highly sensitive person (HSP) as well! So, you may have found this via a Google search for “guide to dating an introvert”. OR, your partner or date may have sent this to you in order to give you some insight into who they are. What a gift! Either way, I’m so happy you are here. Getting to know each other is such a valuable thing. As an introvert coach who specializes in working with highly sensitive women, I want to help you find what you are looking for here. Like any relationship, there’s going to be some time to get to know each other…to get comfortable. It may take a highly sensitive, introverted woman a bit longer to get comfortable, but once she does, she will be a fountain of love and light and support and strength.
Guide to Dating an Introvert
What I’ve done with this post is compiled some of the most common things I’ve heard, seen, and even said over the years working with highly sensitive, introverted women. So, it’s going to be written in first-person, as though your partner is talking to you. Of course, not all of these will apply perfectly. But, my hope is that we will get the conversation started! That’s what it’s all about, after all. Connection.
Do not mistake my introversion for a lack of passion.
In fact, as a sensitive introvert, I’m actually full of passion. Zest for life. Feelings that can even be overwhelming at times. There’s potential for an extremely high, strong connection because of these feelings. (Previous blog posts have talked about how introversion is actually a superpower for women!) Our life together can be full and free of the things the world often wants to put upon us to weigh us down. Expectations, conforming to the chaos, and so much more. I am an introvert, but I still want this incredibly full and fulfilled life with you.
As an introvert, I value quality time over quantity…usually.
But, as a sensitive woman, I also value touchpoints for connection throughout the day or week. We may not see each other every day, and that’s probably okay with me. But, I do want to hear from you. I want to talk and connect. This also brings me to the need for openness. I want to know about you. I want to know YOU. As a person dating a highly sensitive introvert, it can be very important to be vulnerable. Maybe even more open than you have been in the past. That potential for a strong, incredible connection is based on this openness and honesty. As I get more comfortable with you, I will likely open up in ways you may not be used to. And, I will value that kind of sharing from you. In fact, it’s one of my superpowers! I can hold your truths with and for you. It will make us stronger and that much more connected.
As an introvert, I need some alone time.
It’s not you. It’s me. Holding my space is sacred. Getting to have a day to myself is precious. It’s not that I don’t want to be with you. It’s that I need to be with me. You are welcome to ask to be there too, which may seem counterintuitive, but I may say not this time. If you are here while I’m doing things for myself, perhaps we can do separate things together? Reading, working on something, creating something…in these moments, I’m okay with us doing what we need or want to do near each other, but still able to focus. If it doesn’t make sense for us to be together, know that this alone time will give me the recharge I need to be more present while we are together. As an introvert, this time with myself and my thoughts will help me practice the self-care needed to function in this chaotic world.
Solo travel is a thing for introverts!
Did you know that introverts often really love to explore new places and cultures by themselves? Yep. There’s even a solo travel introvert Reddit. I may want to travel alone. To find new things in and about the world. And, about myself. Sure, I may occasionally decide to go somewhere with a girlfriend. Perhaps a family member. This isn’t about you either. We’ll take adventures together as well! I just also have wishes and desires that need to be fulfilled on my own.
Decisions, decisions, decisions…
You may have to be able to make choices and be assertive. It’s not that you have to be dominant, necessarily. But, if I’m feeling overwhelmed or decisioned-out, I may need you to just take the wheel. This is especially true of entrepreneurs and leaders. Boss-women like me who are so strong and hold it together for others all day MIGHT want to be “off” after hours. My social battery can run out more quickly than others. This is not to say I don’t have opinions or thoughts about things, please feel free to ask, but if you know it’s something I don’t care a lot about one way or another, I would usually love for you to just decide.
Ask me what is most important and valuable about a relationship. I want to talk about it.
I want to tell you. And, I might not always know the best way to bring it up. For example, I’m probably not dating you so I have someone to bring out with a friend or two on Friday night. In fact, I may not bring you to small gatherings of my established friend circle at first because it doesn’t make sense for me. I like smaller, intimate get-togethers better than larger ones. But, I may want you to come with me to larger gatherings so we can make it feel smaller. That said, I would prefer to meet your friends and family one at a time or in small groups. If we have to meet them in a larger setting, I’m going to feel overwhelmed.
Is this unavoidable? Maybe you’re going to a wedding or other big family gathering? Perhaps consider introducing your date to a close friend or family member beforehand who can be another touchpoint for her if you get pulled away into another conversation!
We are okay.
Along the lines of the paragraph above…take comfort and security in the knowledge that we are okay. If we aren’t, I’m going to want to talk about it. But, what I mean by this point is that just like you and I share a strong connection, I also make intense connections with others. It’s usually a small circle, but those bonds are strong and I spend intentional time cultivating those connections. Again, this doesn’t mean that I don’t value my time with you, it’s that I also value my time with others. I give a lot of myself to others and on those days, I may not have as much to give. Thank you for understanding that these people mean a lot to me as well.
Overall, let’s talk about all of this. And more. I’m happy to explore what makes sense for us both. As a couple. As partners. Thank you for taking the time to read about this. And, for supporting me and getting to know me for who I really am. This is the most valuable gift.
Now, back to the introverts: Learn more about introvert coaching!
My sensitive introvert, dear…I am uniquely able to help support YOU, wherever you are. My Radical Introvert Coaching program is different. We are going to be actively designing a life that is truly yours, amid the harsh reality of our fast-paced world. Whether you are in Florida, California, Texas, Washington, North Carolina, Oregon, Missouri, South Carolina, somewhere else in the United States, Canada, or even the United Kingdom and beyond…I want to help you THRIVE in love.
I also want to hear from YOU! What else would you add to the list above? What do YOU want your partners to know? How would you be most supported as an introvert in a relationship? I’d love to do another post on this, so please share your thoughts with me in the comments or on a discovery call. I cannot wait to connect with you!