Dating While HSP: An Introvert Coach Shares

May

Dating While HSP: An Introvert Coach Shares

Here we are again. Recently, I’ve written about HSP traits because I know there are many women like me out there who are looking for ways to move through the world more comfortably. We know that we feel different. But, may not yet be sure what that means or what to do about it. In the last few months, I have also written a little bit about love, including my take on “your love life’s D.O.A.” (does anybody else sing that in their head every time? Oh, F-R-I-E-N-D-S.), a whole post on divorce, and even a guide to dating an introvert. However, we haven’t really given the topic of dating as an HSP the time and attention I know you might be looking for.

HSPs and Introvert Women are Looking for Answers About Dating

A simple Google search tells me that there are more questions out there from sensitive, introverted women! Or, at least more people trying to understand how their HSP nature fits into the modern dating scene. This world of dating is a LOT. Now, I’m happily partnered and not looking to date again anytime soon. But, as a coach for sensitive, introverted women all over the world, and someone who was thrust back into the world of dating as an adult unexpectedly, I feel confident that I can still speak with you on this topic. And, hopefully, share some things that will make you feel less alone out there.

Dating Sucks. Especially For an HSP.

First of all, let me just put it out there that dating sucks. This might be an unpopular opinion, but based on the unscientific poll I’ve taken, it’s universally agreed upon. (Okay, perhaps it’s not really THAT bad for everyone…) Dating right now in our digital, social media-focused, chaotic world is a wild combination of a popularity contest with the potential for an ego boost and the very real possibility of mismatched expectations. Honestly, more often than not, the apps, websites, and forums can leave a person feeling disappointed. So, what is an HSP to do?

Now, more than ever, it is easy to disregard the “human” element of dating.

When the dating scene is fully internet-based, it can become that much easier for people to forget that there is a human on the other end of the chat. Swiping right and left has become a pastime for single adults all over the world…even an addiction. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am absolutely not opposed to meeting someone online! You may find a lifelong partner or even just someone to spend some time with. But, as an HSP, it can be especially difficult to figure out how to stay open to possibilities without feeling totally crushed when something doesn’t work out the way you expected.

Expectations vs Reality: Dating While HSP

Let me set the scene: First, you come across an interesting individual on an app. They catch your eye, and then you start reading some details and find yourself intrigued. Perhaps a funny opening line. Maybe, it’s a creative answer to a prompt. It could even be something sweet and sentimental that pulls at your HSP heartstrings. You swipe right and, it’s a match! So, you come up with the perfect opening question. Strategically pulling from their profile and adding a little bit of your personality in there. Or, you send a simple “Hey! How’s your day?” Either way, you get things started and then wait for their reply. You tell yourself to keep swiping, keep looking, and don’t get attached. But as an HSP, you might find yourself moving down the road in your head just a little more than you know is smart for such a limited interaction.

Does this sound like you? How many times have you created a whole world inside of your head based on such little information? Now, this could end up being totally true and beautiful, and your “happily ever after”. But, more often than not, the reality of life will catch up pretty quickly and we have to face the fact that things are not going to go exactly as we imagined in our heads. This isn’t our fault! You see the best in people. You want to believe that what they are telling you is 100% true because trusting people feels good. It feels right. Congruent with how you want to live your life.

Navigating the First Date Comfortably as an HSP in the World

So, let’s imagine that you hit it off and end up deciding to meet this person for a date. Are you going to sit at a cafe for painful small talk? Meet at a crowded and noisy bar? Try to do an activity or adventure? Certainly not meet up with a large group of people. Here’s the thing I want to make sure you remember, YOU are on the date. Not the person you think your date wants you to be. Not the person you think you should be. And, not some watered-down or filtered version of yourself. Think about it. If you hide who you really are, it’s like you aren’t actually showing up for the date at all. You’re sending a proxy.

So, it’s okay to assert your preferences and desires. In fact, your date may really appreciate not having to be the one to come up with the plans! Consider suggesting a meeting at a place where you are already comfortable. You could even do something more individual with a shared experience like an audio tour and coffee to discuss after. Get creative! Dating doesn’t always have to look like it does in the movies and TV shows. Get creative. Think outside of the Hallmark Movie Channel box. You deserve to have fun and show up as your whole self. I’d love to hear some of your best date ideas! Share in the comments below…we would all appreciate it.

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE RADICAL INTROVERT COACHING PROGRAM

I truly know what I’m talking about here. You may already know my story, but for those who don’t, here’s the quick version:

Seven years ago, I woke up to utter shock: My husband revealed he no longer wanted to be married. All of a sudden, I was back in the “single” world. Truth be told, I didn’t want to admit we never should have married in the first place. And, that had some pretty real implications for finding what I needed in a future relationship. How could I trust myself again? And, how could I trust another person? Was love really worth it?

Sound familiar? I get it! That’s part of why I am uniquely able to help support YOU, wherever you are. My Radical Introvert Coaching program is different. We are going to be actively designing a life that is truly yours, amid the harsh reality of our fast-paced world. Whether you are in Florida, California, Texas, Washington, North Carolina, Oregon, Missouri, South Carolina, somewhere else in the United States, Canada, or even the United Kingdom and beyond…I want to help you THRIVE in love, even as an HSP or introvert.