Well, hello there HSP and sensitive introvert women! You never cease to surprise me. Let me tell you why. The introverts who read my blog are generally quiet, keep to themselves, and read along for a while before reaching out. If you know, you know. Yes, of course, I would love to be your introvert coach and help you radically embrace your sensitive introverted self so you can live your absolute best life. However, I know it might take some time. You need to get to know me. My style. My voice. The things that I feel passionately about so that you know you can trust me. I get it! I’m an introvert too, remember? It’s also very much how we approach dating, relationships, and any intimacy.
Cue my surprised face when I looked at the analytics for my website and learned that my most popular blog post was about HSPs and sex. Now, should this have surprised me? Probably not. But, it’s a taboo topic, right? At least for my culture and generation, it often is. But, just like pooping, pretty much everyone does it. So, it shouldn’t be surprising, right? Well, last year around this time I wrote a whole series of blog posts about things that scare us. Haunted houses. Scary movies. The 24-7 news cycle…and even just being easily startled as an HSP. So, this year I thought I’d follow this up with another post about HSPs and sex. Getting real and honest about sex in relationships and outside of them.
Sex and HSP Women
Sex as a sensitive introverted woman is something that may or may not be on your mind often. But, it has unique implications and often unique experiences because of that HSP trait we hold. So, to speak to those of you out there who are looking for more information on this topic, I decided to crowdsource some of my HSP contacts and gather a few more experiences. I even gathered some tips about intimacy and sex as a sensitive, introverted woman. So, in no particular order, of course, staying anonymous, here are some of the things that have come up around sex and the way that HSP women experience intimacy. If you have more ideas or things to add, I would love to hear from you! This seems to be an important and poignant topic for the incredibly sensitive introverts who read this blog.
Sex is Often a Need for HSP Women
While sex is inherently intimate, for some HSP women it seems to be a stress and pressure release valve. Here’s what I mean by this. Numerous people have told me that sex is as necessary and important for them as eating, sleeping, or doing anything else we must do to survive on a daily basis. This often comes from high-achieving, high-performing–and therefore highly stressed–sensitive, introverted women. Now, I know and understand Maslow’s hierarchy of needs as most mental health professionals do. Sexual release is a basic human need. The relationship and intimacy component of sexual interaction is a higher-level need. Sometimes, the base-level, fundamental need can be met without the relational portion. Yes, I’m talking about masturbation here. However, for some HSP women, the sexual release is good but not quite enough. Having the fulfillment and intimacy of another human being present is still required. Of course, this can be a complicating factor.
How do we get sexual needs met in a relationship?
If I’m working with someone who expresses that their sexual needs are not being met, I or a sex therapist might suggest masturbation as something to incorporate into a regular self-care routine. However, for some HSP women, it may be important for them to connect with another human being during this time. What does this mean for highly sensitive introverted women who are in a committed relationship? Generally, this means an open and honest conversation about this hard and often taboo topic. If their needs aren’t being met and their particular need requires their partner to be more involved, those lines of communication are going to need to open more than they have been. And, no one wants to hear that they are not satisfying their partner’s sexual needs.
For HSP women in particular, this also often goes against the stereotype that women are gatekeepers around sex or aren’t supposed to want sex as much as men do. Of course, this plays out in lesbian relationships in different ways (same-sex couples, thruples, etc.). If sex drives are mismatched or incompatible, a product of mismatched desire, these conversations have to be navigated carefully. Honestly, in any relationship, these conversations have to be navigated carefully.
How do we get our sexual needs met as a single HSP woman?
For single introverted women, they are faced with the reality that their needs are not going to be fully met, or they are going to have to seek out a sexual partner to meet those needs. In today’s day and age, that generally means some kind of online dating or casual hookup. I’ve written about dating while HSP before and it seems unanimous that this scene sucks. One of my HSP friends found success and fulfillment in setting up a long-term “friends with benefits” situation. Of course, eventually, this became a “situationship” and after about three years came to its natural end.
This can be a viable option for certain HSP and sensitive introverted women who are looking for safe, intimate connections without expectation. However, I want to caution my readers that this can of course end up attracting individuals with open and honest frameworks (narcissists, jerks, etc.). This can also lead to more risky sexual behaviors. She has shared that “cliterature” (erotic stories, novels, etc.) is her preferred way of escape and release for now. I told you there would be tips! Consider Audible, Galatea, Libby, or numerous other audiobook sources for a more immersive experience in this type of reading.
INTERESTED IN INTROVERT COACHING IN THE US, UK, CANADA, OR ELSEWHERE? LET’S TALK (it doesn’t have to be about sex!).
I hope you know by now that I am not here to tell you what to do. I am a human being in this world just like any other. As an HSP therapist and introvert coach, I have done a lot of work around what it means to be a sensitive introverted woman in this world. Naming what I want, rejecting societal norms, and leveling up to fully embrace my sensitive introverted nature. All that means I am not here to judge. But, I can be here to nudge. I would love to help you find balance and fulfillment for all of your needs. I want you to truly thrive in this increasingly chaotic world we live in.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Enid DeJesus is an introvert coach who coaches introverted and sensitive women throughout the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and beyond. She understands wanting to make connections and deepening them for the ones you love. This is why she created her coaching program to help women, like you. To help you navigate this world as an empowered, sensitive, introverted woman!
If you’re interested in starting the radical introvert coaching program, let’s talk!